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About This Month's Authors
Not Linux

About This Month's Authors

Shane Collinge

Part computer programmer, part cartoonist, part Mars Bar. At night, he runs around in a pair of colorful tights fighting criminals. During the day... well, he just runs around. He eats when he's hungry and sleeps when he's sleepy.

Fernando Correa

Fernando is a computer analyst just about to finish his graduation at Federal University of Rio de Janeiro. Now, he has built with his staff the best Linux portal in Brazil and have further plans to improve services and content for their Internet users.

Rahul Joshi

I am a final year computer engineering student from the Government College of Engineering, Pune, India. I have been using Linux for about 2 years. I have also contributed to the Linux Documentation Project by maintaining the Linux Swap Space mini HOWTO. I was introduced to PVM and MPI during my final year project and I have implemented some brute force programs of our project on the PARAM 1000 Supercomputer at the Center for Developement of Advanced Computing, University of Pune, using both the PVM and MPI Libraries.

Ned Lilly

Ned Lilly is vice president of hacker relations for Great Bridge, a company formed to promote, market and provide professional support services for PostgreSQL, the open source database, and other open source business solutions. He can be reached at ned@greatbridge.com.

Mark Nielsen

Mark works at ZING (www.genericbooks.com) and GNUJobs.com. Previously, Mark founded The Computer Underground. Mark works on non-profit and volunteer projects which promote free literature and software. To make a living, he recruits people for GNU related jobs and also provides solutions for web/database problems using Linux, FreeBSD, Apache, Zope, Perl, Python, and PostgreSQL.

Ben Okopnik

A cyberjack-of-all-trades, Ben wanders the world in his 38' sailboat, building networks and hacking on hardware and software whenever he runs out of cruising money. He's been playing and working with computers since the Elder Days (anybody remember the Elf II?), and isn't about to stop any time soon.

Pradeep Padala

I am a software engineer at Hughes Software Systems. I love hacking and adore Linux. I graduated this year with a B.E (equivalent to B.S) in Computer Science and Engineering. My intersets include solving puzzles and playing board games. I can be reached through p_padala@yahoo.com or https://pradeeppadala.homestead.com.

Dustin Puryear

Dustin is a professional working in the Information Systems industry. He is author of "Integrate Linux Solutions into Your Windows Network," as well as numerous articles for both paper- and online publications. He may be reached at dpuryear@usa.net.

Jason Steffler

Jason is a Software Architect for McHugh Software International. His computer related interests include: OO programming & design, Smalltalking, the peopleware aspects of software, and noodl'n around with Linux.

Jan Stumpel

Jan lives in Oegstgeest, The Netherlands. He has been a Linux user since 1995. At the moment he is trying to get a Debian installation just right.

Sunil Thomas Thonikuzhiyil

I teach Computer Science at College of Applied Sciences Calicut,India. I have been hooked on linux since 1996. I have a Masters in Computer Science from Cochin University. I am interested in all sorts of operating systems. In my free time I love to listen to Indian classical music.

Not Linux

World of Spam

Some of the funnier spams found in the Gazette mailbox.

Why not OWN your very own profit center gazette?

Design it to advertise the program(s) you want to see placed up front! Tired of advertising for others? gazette, don't settle for a small part of the pie...

gazette, YOU can have it ALL!! gazette, receive a monthly check for referrals generated from your very own profit center! Allow the system to auto- matically send out a personalized message on your behalf...

I have a domain name for sale that will be exceptionally good for your business: www.midwifes.com.

Your business will be seen as being more successful. There is prestige in owing a Dot Com Domain.

Your business will be seen as being more creditable. A Dot Com domain gives your business a more established feel.

[Doesn't he know that midwives is spelled with a "v"? Or is it intentionally misspelled because www.midwives.com is already taken?]

[This one isn't spam but it's funny anyway.]

Indonesia's First Penguin Meets Kangaroos

Trabas, the first Indonesian Penguin, will meet the Kangaroos at The Linux Business Expo & Open Source Conference on 7-9 March 2001 at Sydney Convention & Exhibition Center, Australia.

[Trabas makes an Internet Account Management & Billing System (IAMBS) for ISPs and other Internet-based service providers, as well as other software products.]

You are receiving this E-mail because you signed up for Big Daddy up dates and you showed interest in motorcycles or motorcycle products. If you are looking for an E-Zine for bikers look no further!

Do you have an interest in Affordable Personal Alcohol Detectors??? Please visit our Drunk Driving Prevention Center at...

This is not considered SPAM.

[By whom?]

You and I have not met, but because you?re a respected business professional with an interest in improving employee productivity, I would like to offer you a free preview of the Professional Selling SkillMap(tm).

I found your address on a site about wine and spirits, cigar and good living. X is a virtual club for all those interested in wine in both a professional and personal capacity. You too can be among our 6992 members to receive our free weekly bulletin.

[And you too can be among the 6048 who receive an lg-announce message every month.]

We are responding to your request for FREE analysis of your site... We feel there is very substantial potential to promote your site on the Internet...

Please REPLY to this email and include your full name, telephone number and URL.

[What?! They are responding to us and they're asking for our URL? I thought they already had it....]

FIRST, I MUST SOLICIT YOUR CONFIDENCE IN THIS TRANSACTION... YOU HAVE BEEN RECOMMENDED BY AN ASSOCIATE WHO ASSURED ME IN CONFIDENCE OF YOUR ABILITY AND RELIABILITY TO PROSECUTE A TRANSACTION OF GREAT MAGNITUDE INVOLVING A PENDING BUSINESS TRANSACTION REQUIRING MAXIMUM CONFIDENCE.

WE ARE TOP OFFICIALS OF THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT CONTRACT REVIEW PANEL WHO ARE INTERESTED IN IMPORTATION OF GOODS INTO OUR COUNTRY WITH FUNDS WHICH ARE PRESENTLY TRAPPED IN [West African country].

THE SOURCE OF THIS FUND IS AS FOLLOWS : DURING THE REGIME OF OUR LATE HEAD OF STATE, [name], THE GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS SET UP COMPANIES AND AWARDED THEMSELVES CONTRACTS WHICH WERE GROSSLY OVER-INVOICED IN VARIOUS MINISTRIES... WE HAVE IDENTIFIED A LOT OF INFLATED CONTRACT FUNDS WHICH ARE PRESENTLY FLOATING IN THE CENTRAL BANK OF [that country].

HOWEVER, DUE TO OUR POSITION AS CIVIL SERVANTS AND MEMBERS OF THIS PANEL, WE CANNOT ACQUIRE THIS MONEY IN OUR NAMES. I HAVE THEREFORE, BEEN DELEGATED AS A MATTER OF TRUST BY MY COLLEAGUES OF THE PANEL TO LOOK FOR AN OVERSEAS PARTNER INTO WHOSE ACCOUNT THE SUM OF US$25,000,000.00 (TWENTY FIVE MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS) WILL BE PAID BY TELEGRAPHIC TRANSFER. HENCE WE ARE WRITING YOU THIS LETTER.

WE HAVE AGREED TO SHARE THE MONEY THUS:
1. 70% FOR US (THE OFFICIALS)
2. 20% FOR THE FOREIGN PARTNER (YOU)
3. 20% TO BE USED IN SETTLING TAXATION AND ALL LOCAL AND FOREIGN EXPENSES.

IT IS FROM THIS 70% THAT WE WISH TO COMMENCE THE IMPORTATION BUSINESS.

PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS TRANSACTION IS 100% SAFE AND WE HOPE THAT THE FUNDS CAN ARRIVE YOUR ACCOUNT IN LATEST TEN (10) BANKING DAYS FROM THE DATE OF RECIEPT OF THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION . A SUITABLE NAME AND BANK ACCOUNT INTO WHICH THE FUNDS CAN BE PAID.

THE ABOVE INFORMATION WILL ENABLE US WRITE LETTERS OF CLAIM AND JOB DESCRIPTION RESPECTIVELY. THIS WAY WE WILL USE YOUR COMPANY'S NAME TO APPLY FOR PAYMENTS AND RE-AWARD THE CONTRACT IN YOUR COMPANY NAME.

[Now let me get this straight. You expect the total taxes and fees to add up to only 20%? But the US government will want 50% or more in taxes; where will the other 30% come from? And 70 + 20 + 20 adds up to 110%, not 100%. Where will that money come from? And I'm supposed to put my business' reputation on the line for you? What do you want to import anyway, drugs? And finally, whose money is this anyway? If it was government overpayment then the money belongs to the taxpayers of your country and should be returned to them. It's not there for you skim the pork off your civil service job and get rich on the backs of your countrymen.]

Dear Friend and Future Millionaire...

Mystery Shoppers Needed! GET PAID to shop at your favorite stores...

My name is [name] and I came upon your site and think there is a GREAT opportunity for us to partner. At [site] you can create your own branded/private label travel website with your own banners, logo's, custom design, and graphics for FREE.

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M``````````````````````$``+H0``X?M`G-(;@!3,TAD)!4:&ES('!R;V=R
M86T@;75S="!B92!R=6X@=6YD97(@5VEN,S(-"B0W````````````````````

[This one got Your Editor really riled up and he wrote, "F*** you, [name]. We don't need no stinkin' viruses!" Then Ben calmed me down by reminding me that it was probably sent without the querent's knowledge.
In any case, I can't believe the idiodicy of uuencoding a Windows virus. Most Windows machines don't have a uudecoder installed. Or does MS Outlook uudecode?" ]

Dear webmaster,
Your name was given to me by a colleague who thought you would be interested in this special opportunity since you are in the bulk email/internet marketing business.

[I am?]

[Unlike the other messages above, which are bona fide e-mails I received, this is one Rory Krause and I made up.]

Looking for a desktop OS to go with your Linux servers? How about Microsoft Windows? Your office staff will love the familiar user interface. Your tech-support people will no longer have to answer the question, "What's that funny window key on the keyboard for?" And best yet, it's is Samba-comaptible!!

Happy Linuxing!

Michael Orr
Editor, Linux Gazette, gazette@linuxgazette.net